just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
