Just cropdusted the office
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
