Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
whose parrot is this?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i think my cat just said my name.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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