i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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