You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
