Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
