We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
