Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
3 2 1 whiskey
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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