My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
