I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
