New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
