i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
