any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
