dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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