dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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