you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have fence marks all over my body
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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