happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
