your room smells of hookers.
And success
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
