You really coming over, don't trick.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
