I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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