how can u be prego again
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He did a backflip because drugs
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
