Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
