she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
