my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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