I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
