she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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