smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
