Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
