We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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