I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
