What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
