4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
3pm strippers are depressing
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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