i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
