is your mom at the bar?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
