New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
