I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
