I will die if light touches me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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