Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Randomize
