Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Mom said you looked used
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
