how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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