I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
