Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
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