Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
