Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
