Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
