smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
