He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
