just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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