Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Found the puke drawer
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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