I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
