I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
