Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
