Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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