Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm getting married
To pizza
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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