Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
