I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
