I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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