I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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