I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
