Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
