I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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