you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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