So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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