stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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