my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
