i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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