So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
