We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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