Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
