i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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