Just fell off a train. Bad.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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