i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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